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He won't be oft or much offended By parts of speech which may be gendered So in this rhyme you may read "She" Wherever I have written "He". He can do sums, and furthermore He understands what sums are for. So for instance if I borrow, Fall in debt and end in sorrow, That's not like debt of the whole nation Borrowed for new wealth creation. Wind farms built with borrowed wealth Will boost the country's fiscal health. His education extends far Beyond the third notorious R. His grasp of science proves it's true We have to limit CO_2 Much of which comes from your car Carrying you everywhere. He himself will opt for bikes Partly 'cause that's what he likes Part for health of heart and brain Relieving local GPs' strain. He's read Piketty's mammoth tome. His charity begins at home. He doesn't meddle far abroad Like some super overlord. He will be kind, and tend to laughter And reinstate the Magna Carta. In schools, he'll let the children play and chatter in their chosen way and let teachers' teaching stem from what most appeals to them. Last, he'll change the present way of choosing rulers, old and grim, So that I can have my say And cast my vote for such as him. |
The Queen asked the Lord and the Lord asked the General How can we be confident the Poor are prop'ly fed? The General thought long and hard, and came up with a scheme. The essence was I'll ask the Spooks and this is what they said: *****unu**************r***********z ****te************* soon be dead. Heavens! cried the General. I hope he dies in bed. If any news of this gets out our faces will be red. Nobody could ever say that I'm a cruel man. The thought of hurting anyone leaves me sad and wan. I dearly wish to do my best to save the land I love while only killing just the very fewest that I can. He passed the words, which reached the Queen who frowned as rarely seen. We trust that this grim outlook is no more than a bad dream. The Hacks and Spooks said There, there, Sir. We didn't really mean it. Just give them all the oil and gas for which your soldiers bled. The General made them a bow: Good chaps. You've saved my head. He told the Lord, who wrote the Queen a simple note which read Freedom and democracy and oil and gas and bread but keep the EtOxOcracy -- its loss fills me with dread. Whatever else may come to pass, the Nation must be led by Graduates in PeePeeEe or else we'll lose the thread. The People's views will match our News if thick and smoothly spread. The Queen expressed her gracious joy in phrases all well bred: The Hacks and Spooks have saved us all, ensuring we are fed with freedom and democracy and oil and gas and bread. |
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